Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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