Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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