i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
