I am puke
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
