I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All I want is dick and wine.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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