if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I party with great urgency now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize