Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
