I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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