you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
