Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
