my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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