I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
