You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
