If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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