Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
