You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
