She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
