Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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