The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize