Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I need moral support for this bender
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
