Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
