You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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