just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
