Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
