so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
