I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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