those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
