; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
