guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
