Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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