OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
