Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
either way he was missing a nipple.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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