Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
