Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
