He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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