He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
