WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
