Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
