Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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