I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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