I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
