I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
