My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
