Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
