i was born a porn star she said
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
