I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
