So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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