I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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