i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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