I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
