if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
