Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
