im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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