this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
