I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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