sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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