this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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