I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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