you guys were way drunker than both of me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
