Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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