Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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