Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
