I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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