I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
