Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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