It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
