remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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