Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
