I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
