What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
