Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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