im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
