Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
