Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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