can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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