Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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