mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
