Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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