Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
What a dumb baby whore.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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