whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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