He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They took my balls.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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