There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
