i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
