and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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