My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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