those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
