Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
