Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
