forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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