I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
