after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
