so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
