If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
