Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
