I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
