And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
