Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
