No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do vagina's smell?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
