WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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