I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
