just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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