you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm both gender and math confused
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
