So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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