areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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