I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize